A week of Contemplation

So I have been doing fine. The swelling in my knee has gone down just like the doctor has requested and in a week I see him for the verdict. This whole time while gimping around I have been wondering if I'll even stop being concerned about my knee. Will it even be back to 100% with just physical therapy? Or will surgery no matter what be the best bet?? Sitting in limbo with stuff that is out of our control seems like being a cat that is being summered by a sumo wrestler. Then on Thursday late I got a phone call from my buddy Chase in CA.
It was late like 11pm so I let it go to voice mail and then sat wondering why he was calling me so late. I listen to the voice mail and he said "Eric i got something to tell you and I don't want to do it over the voice mail. Call me back." I jumped up as if the couch I was sitting on was on fire and call Chase right back. It turned out a college buddy of ours had died in an avalanche in CO. I was stunned. He was the voice of reason while out on adventures, and when not on adventures he was hawaiian shirt guy. He loved life and lived it his way. I remember one time He, me and Chase headed up the ski Tuckermans Ravine in NH. I still have the picture of the three of us just before the trail heads up to the ravine. A-framed skis over our heads. When we got to the bottom of the ravine we head up to left gully, I think. At the top Kellen went first, then Chase, then me. I remember being scared, but after three turns I was fine. Chase and I stopped a little of the way down and passed Kellen. When we got to the bottom of the run there was Kellen sliding down with one ski one and one off. He slid all the way to the bottom. We all laughed and never made another run. I felt bad for Kellen the one run we did, which we could have done more, was a crash. It was a spectacular crash though.
Kellen's passing left me contemplative all week. We all, the reckies of the adventure rec floor, share a similar lifestyle. Working hard and playing harder, sometimes the play and work are the melded into one adventure. I have seen many professionals in the sports that I play in, pass away, and it easy to dismiss their passing. They are on a whole other level, one I don't even aspire to get reach in my life time. When a buddy who is at your level passes it makes you think about what your doing and the consequences you face when your out to play. I know what they are and do my best to make choices that mitigate the exposure to those consequences, and sometimes no matter what those devils (the consequences) loom over you.
I know at some point I will be faced with a huge devil. In fact my knee is a great example. 28 years of skiing injury free it was bound to happen. So here I sit knowing the devils are out there and I will be facing them, so what do I do? Stay inside, change my lifestyle, be somebody I'm not, not take risks? No way, that would be crushing to me. I will accept that fact that these devils will nip and tug at me while I play outside. In some cases they might grab hold and drag me down for a short time, ie: my knee. And other times I will be able to escape their hold and look back and learn something from the experience. All the while making those decisions that help to keep those evils at bay and further off my tail. And in the back of my head accepting the fact that if I keep play hard I might have to face the evils dead on, one day.